Goodbye (:

So yeah. Im off to PLKN this Sunday.
Happy and nervous.
Cannot wait to say hello to strangers.
Cannot wait to pull the trigger ;D
Cannot wait to kick assss.
Cannot wait to cuci mata :p (walaupun cdak botak, org yg handsome sejati tetap handsome walaupun cdak botak. ahaha.)
Cannot wait to, *ehem* exercise *ehem* untuk slimkan body :p haha!
Paul, I will take a good care of, *ehem2* si dia yang kamu sayangi ;D Make sure ikak bayar gaji akui yah :p

And I am pretty sure that I cannot online tomorrow.
So.... Before it's too late..
Here I am. Wishing you guys all the best!
Will be back on March 14th ;D
Goodbye, readers. Take Care. Enjoy Life. God Bless.
And, dont you dare forgetting me! Hahah :p

Hugs and Kisses,
Mujan (:

Hello 2010

Hello 2010.
Happy New Year, everyone.
Happy Birthday, Mom.
Happy Birthday, Sarah ;D

Had so much fun last night.
Having fun gambling w Paul and his mom.
Having fun going out for dinner w Kakak Beatrice & Athilot & Mirul, seafood yoh, nyumm.
Having fun celebrating mom's birthday ;D
Having fun gossiping w cousins.

I am happy (:
I got a feeling that 2010 is going to be a goooooood year :D
Panda was right, smiling is good for a happy life and I am smiling.
Nisa, I did not cry, I swear.
Relieved.
I am now ready to move on (:

And, Goodbye 2009.
To be honest, I hate you, 2009. Hohoe!

;D

Kampung mode.

:D I love this picture of mine. Simply because it shows that I am Orang Ulu :D

Ah, Im missing all the cousins, like friggen much D:
My Christmas was boring, and thank you cousins for making my days bright and gay and thanks because you guys entertained me for a lot of times. I love ya'll to the max.

between me and the cousin.
Lihan : There were 3 of them in that group.
Me : Ouh okay. Girls berapa orang?
Lihan : One girl. One boy.........*silent* *Staring at phone*
Me : Hah? Then the 3rd one pondan ka??
Lihan : Eh, NO! U this. Dont cut me off when I'm talking alright.

Ahaha! :p serious I tell you, if you were there, you would definitely laugh your ass off. Why? 'Cause his expression was dead funny. Haha. I wasn't even cut his line off, he went silent so I thought that he finished his line. =.= Neh! Too busy staring at phone, ceh. Haha.

Eksen.

Nisa, you want some? (:

P/s : I did not drink that. Posing w it just to entertain Nisa :p

That's casper,

Awww. D': So cute lah wehh.

Happy Birthday, Kakak :D

Jenny Urai Jau ♥

Dear sister,

Happy birthday, Kakak Jenny.
Thank you for being there and always being kind.
Thank you, for all the times you helped me get through the tough.
And when the love in our family got thinner and faded, you were there when it all got complicated.
Thank you 'cause you looked after me and kept me safe, and I thank you for that still to this day.

And the day has now come. The day when you turn big 33. You have the world at your feet, and that special someone. I seriously cannot wait for that day, May 2010. ;D
So I give to you today, something no one can take away.
It is a piece of my heart, because you mean so much to me.
So, live your life to the fullest extent, live it up at every event.

And know that I am always here, what ever and when ever you need, I will help you with anything indeed.

Love ya, sister.
Muahhhh!

Mujan ♥

Balik kampung, yay :D

I'll be away for few days. Off to kampung, later at 5am.
I'll coming back on the 28th, maybe. :D
So, goodbye fellas. (:

Merry Christmas, in advance, my brothers and sisters in Christ.
God Bless and enjoy the celebration.

love.

was, baby. was.

Every since that week ended, my mind has been in overdrive. My constant frown on my face feels like it is going to be permanent. I laugh at occasions, but at the end of the day, I still fall on my bed and bury my face into my blankets, and let my body drown in a sea of blankets and take a deep sigh and just ask myself questions of where i went wrong, and what i did to cause it. I’m so confused, frustrated and hurt. I feel like I am no longer loved by the one I thought I loved. The only reason why I am saying ‘thought’ is because of how they are today. At this moment in time, they seem to have forgotten I was alive. How I am so desperate of wanting to make it all work out. I just want to fall on the floor, and beg on my knees to just give me a chance. I want to beg like no other. If they could see my face, and how tired I look and the tears that would flow from my eyes, would they care?

I hate this. I hate knowing everyday that passes by could have been another day me and you could have survived. I am so sucked into a thought of our future and who we could have been together. I am so distraught. I think of karma with you and I think of how I could make you suffer emotionally. But then I just remember you have no feelings. Your heart is black and cold and you are as strong as a rock. Your walls are built higher than the sky and past the universe. No one has knocked them down. You had them knocked down once, but then it was built back up. I tried to knock them down, but you could only walk away. It’s understandable. Unpredictable, too. You are just like me. You’re afraid of getting hurt. I understand. But how do I live with that?

There’s not enough I could say to make everything okay. To make everything fall back into it’s place. I am speechless now, and the frown is still on my face. I think hard now. I think of every possible thing, outcome, and reason. I am not okay with the fact of everyone must say goodbye. I am not okay with the fact that everyone has to let go. Relationships is the hell on earth. Everyone has that point of greatness, satisfaction, and where they feel on top of the world. Then something hits it, and you all fall down. So yeah, I am young, and I am just thinking too much, but there has to be a conclusion to this. Our lives are like stories. We write it all. Every story has an end, and every relationship has an end as well. And I guess you chose the ending now.

Alan told me that the sky looked empty. So empty.
Alan, the sky looked empty cause someone was feeling sad and thus the stars were all sad, too, and they fell. :/

wtf?

click on it, and read.
Holleh WTF.

im bored.

Liyanaaaaaa anott :D You would definitely love this picture up here :D

Cool.

Gila babi, heaven yo.

I think my heart just lagged.

Have you ever? Heh.

I haven’t been able to sleep peacefully lately. I wake up in the middle of the night.
My dreams consume me.
These nightmares don’t always make sense, yet they continue to visit me at night.

I’ve been drowned. I’ve been suffocated. I’ve killed. I’ve been killed. Someone is chasing me. I’m chasing them. The faceless girl appears. I’m staring at a grave. I’m crying. The rancid breath of death is upon my neck. I go blind. I go deaf. I’m burning.
These events happen separately, others happen in the same night.

I’d wake up with a start, feeling as thought my body has been deprived of oxygen for so long. I feel nauseated, as if my dreams are trickling into reality.

I’ve felt my physical body stop breathing in the midst of these nightmares. Terrified, I start scrambling in my dreams, screaming at deaf ears, begging my body to draw breath. Why can’t I breathe? WAKE UP. I WILL YOU TO WAKE UP. START BREATHING. OPEN YOUR EYES. PLEASE. DON’T LET THIS BE THE END OF IT.
and as always, I wake up.

I’ve never had so many nightmares in a week. A full night’s sleep doesn’t entail rest when you’re fighting your demons.

Please, at least give me some peace? :/